


After Life

by oppaodiga



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Horror, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 13:46:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7535086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oppaodiga/pseuds/oppaodiga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyungsoo and Jongin have been long time lovers, only that on a rainy day, Jongin passed away in a tragic accident, leaving his soul looking for Kyungsoo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After Life

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for this, really sorry.

Kyungsoo gets startled once a grey shadow walks past him in the living room; he stops in his tracks, heart furiously racing in his chest but he remains still and in silence, clutching his book in his hand. The figure disappears suddenly and he tries to block the tears.   
  
This has happened three times in one week.  
  
He thinks he’s going crazy, he imagines voices – his voice – his humming and the slow pace he used to have; the clatting of his keys against the door knob, his laugh at 11 pm when he would watch re-run after re-run, the sweet scent of lemons after a shower in the mornings and his touch at midnight. Kyungsoo gets an appointment for a therapist after two weeks, because his mind is never calmed anymore, he gets startled by anything and he swears he has seen Jongin’s reflection in the bathroom mirror more than once.   
  
He cancels because he’s sure he will get locked up at the asylum.   
  
His friends notice how strange he has become; they are concerned, since he had recovered little by little after Jongin’s death. They are sure it has to do with it, but they never bring it up. The group was never the same after a big truck smashed against the tanned boy’s car, after he instantly passed away that night in October.  
  
Jongin was Kyungsoo’s partner, his best friend, his lover and his everything. Jongin was soft, beautiful and bright and all those things were buried with him; Kyungsoo was nothing without that tall brown haired guy and he was nothing ever since; he stopped studying and eating properly, his life became a blur of unhappiness and tears, of muffled screams in the middle of the night and sour tastes with every meal.   
  
Kyungsoo remained locked up for months, since everything was too cold or too painful to even consider walking out his apartment door. He settles with surviving, since life had ended for him as well.   
  
He reads book after book at night, he shouts rock music when his chest hurts way too much, he takes sleeping pills when is impossible for his heart and tears to stop running, he gets knocked out for hours and is the only time he feels anything close to serenity – but not entirely because his dreams are filled with gentle smiles and sweet tenderness; Kyungsoo is the saddest in the mornings, because the memories are so clear he just wants to disappear like the smoke in the cigarettes he inhales as his breakfast.   
  
Time passes but the wounds don’t heal.   
  
Kyungsoo has been told time will make loss easier to handle, but it’s all lies. Every morning his eyes open is just like the truck that killed Jongin, it hurts like that phone call the hospital made, it hurts like the sobbing everyone made at Jongin’s funeral and it hurts like the sound of the chains dropping his coffin to under earth, where Jongin’s body would rest forever.   
  
Kyungsoo settles with surviving because is all he has left; soft touches, warm smiles and happiness would not knock on his door ever again. He fools people around him, pretending laughs and conversations, as if he cared about something. They seem contented about his “recovery” and that is enough for him, he doesn’t want to drag anyone else in the pit of darkness and sorrow. He can be there all by himself.  
  
  
On a Sunday morning, when he is sitting in his bedroom balcony, he hears it again: a soft laugh and short slow steps coming from the kitchen. He rolls his eyes and takes a long drag of his cigarette, wishing his lungs can burn and make him dead already – being too coward to easily jump out of the balcony railing.   
  
“Kyungsoo” – he hears, and his heart stops, he doesn’t notice how his fingers let the cigarette fall and land on the sidewalk, five stories down. He is frozen, minutes pass and he doesn’t hear anything else. Kyungsoo shivers as the cold air enters by the window; he spends Sunday on the floor, crying, punching the wooden floor and his own chest, because he hates the fact he’s still feeling, even as a year has gone by and it’s still as if sharp daggers were playing with his heart, torturing it, piece by piece until he is left with a shattered inside he can no longer repair.  
  
His heart beats slowly and his tears roll down at 3:00 am, he doesn’t bother whipping them anymore.  
  
He wears Jongin’s favorite sweat shirt the week after that. He hears his name coming from the living room and he is brave enough to step on it, waiting for another sign, another sound or a movement. There’s nothing. He sighs and drinks beer after beer, waiting for his numbness to settle and his mind to doze off; he waits and waits until a grey shadow walks in front of him and disappears by the window. He drinks again, wishing it was just the alcohol but the shadow takes a jump nearby the front door of the apartment and his heart beats so quickly, he doesn’t remember when was the last time he felt so…alive.   
  
“Kyungsoo” – the man is positive that voice is Jongin’s, slightly nasal and full of warmness. He gets up from the couch and remains there, tugging the neck of the shirt under his nose and just waiting – “Kyungsoo”   
  
“Jong…In?” – his bottom lip trembles with those two syllables, his heart races even more when there’s a low whisper by his ear and the shadow moves again. He’s desperate, so he begins to speak, to say everything he has had locked inside for the past 11 months.  
“I miss you so much…you know that, right? You were my everything, and I lost you so quickly… I miss your laugh the most, Jongin. I miss…your eyes, I miss seeing you…I want to see you again”  
  
By that, he feels the curtains move, so he turns on his heels to spot a 21 year old boy sitting on the dining table, casually holding an empty glass in his hands, wearing a mustard color shirt and barefooted. Kyungsoo has to sit, because he thinks he’s going to pass out any second now, his heart is pounding against his ribcage and is incredibly hard to breathe – he takes two steps and calls for Jongin’s name, the other perks at him and gives him _that_ grin, the one he fell in love with, the one Jongin gave only to Kyungsoo, the one that meant he was happy.  
  
Kyungsoo holds his face against his hands and counts to three, he glances and Jongin is still there. The guy has darker eyes now that Kyungsoo focuses on his face, the same messy brown hair and plump lips, but he looks much skinnier and paler than how he remembers. Jongin stares at him, but remains silent, Kyungsoo walks and is a few steps of the table, he reaches then for his arm and Jongin just shakes his head.   
  
“I can’t touch you?” – he asks. Jongin looks at the floor and then at Kyungsoo, the latter feels alive once again, because he thought that he would never get to see those eyes and those pretty features ever again, he gives Jongin a smile.  
  
He feels happy – fright now buried.   
  
Kyungsoo should have never asked to see Jongin again; because that is the biggest curse he has to deal with from now forward.   
  
Days and weeks pass, and he sees Jongin here and there, he sees Jongin in the mirror reflection when he’s brushing his teeth in the morning, he sees him when he is making his lunch and he sees him at night, when he’s going to sleep and the boy is just resting his head against the mattress, sitting on the floor and looking bored.  
  
He sees Jongin in his dreams because he is getting used to those perfect features he once had to live without.  
  
Kyungsoo asks questions but he never gets answers, he thinks is strange Jongin never says a word, but when he’s not around he swears he can hear whispers. Jongin is all smiles and glances, sweet stares and funny faces; Kyungsoo giggles after a month, and is the first time he has heard anything more than a sob come out of his mouth.   
  
Kyungsoo gets slightly worried when he starts to see Jongin outside of his apartment.   
  
He spots Jongin one morning on the street, when he is standing in the balcony, smoking and watching the cars go by. He sees Jongin walk next to him to the convenience store and sees how Jongin checks at people’s phones when they are inside. At Jongdae’s graduation and Chanyeol’s birthday party, Jongin is there and he tries his best to make it seem as if he’s fine.   
  
Months go by and Jongin gets paler and skinnier. His eyes are sunk on his face and the bags underneath them are terrifying – Kyungsoo can’t tell his face is not much different than that. Is routine for him to have breakfast with Jongin, he then has a smoke and Jongin is sitting by the balcony railing, he has lunch and Jongin looks at him from the couch, he reads and Jongin rests his head on his shoulder, he goes to sleep and Jongin leaves a faint tickle in his forehead when he tries to kiss him goodnight.   
  
Kyungsoo doesn’t say a word to anybody, but everybody starts to tell something is off.  
  
Living with someone was tricky, Kyungsoo used to think before Jongin’s death – he still thought the same, as a long male glanced from the living room, his eyes dopey and dark. If Kyungsoo wasn’t so blind by happiness, he would know Jongin’s eyes were simply empty.   
  
“I’ll love you forever, you know?” – Kyungsoo speaks one night, covered by a blanket and resting his head on his arm – Jongin is next to him on the bed, wearing old jeans and a white top – “I’ve loved you everyday…and I will for the rest of my days”   
  
Jongin says nothing as usual, but his eyes show something, he smirks and caresses the skin of Kyungsoo’s nose bridge – he feels nothing but air, and that leaves a faint hint of sadness.  
  
Kyungsoo buries it and falls asleep, dreaming with once again touching his lover’s lips with his own.  
  
Clothes don’t fit Kyungsoo anymore, but he just opens new holes on his belts and rolls up his shirt sleeves. He is happy with himself since he has been eating properly, but refuses to believe he throws up everything at night, he feels too dizzy and weird at that time, so he has been skipping dinner and sleeping by 7:00 pm. Jongdae calls on his door one evening, because his phone has been dead for the past five days.   
  
No one answers.   
  
“Kyungsoo!” – is what his childhood friend calls, pounding on the door. Nothing.  
  
Kyungsoo is awoken by slaps on his now boney face; big cheek bones cover the bathroom light as he hears yelling and quiet sobbing. He falls asleep once again but not before he spots brown hair on the couch, where a skinny male glances in his direction and gives him a soft smile.   
  
Kyungsoo wakes up with many tubes around his arms and something strange crawling in the pit of his stomach. He wonders around, the faint smell of alcohol and medicines waking his senses; he sees only blue and when he wants to fall asleep once again, a man comes out of the bathroom, wearing a short sleeved shirt and ripped skinny jeans.   
  
“Where am I?” – Kyungsoo asks, his voice hoarse and weak. Jongin shrugs, sitting on the floor and playing with his toes – he has always been barefooted.   
  
Days pass and his friends visit, he asks what is happening and he is explained he has been suffering from chronic anemia; days pass and he feels just as dead as he used to. Days pass and Jongin stays inside his hospital room at all times. Days pass and the sun doesn’t look the same anymore, days pass and ants crawl on his feet when he’s trying to fall asleep, days pass and the people around him look paler and sulkier, he can’t tell Jongin is the fake one, Jongin is the one that doesn’t really exist, as he stands in between Sehun and Baekhyun.   
  
“Jongin help me out” – Kyungsoo speaks when he tries to go to the bathroom, his legs wobbly from inactivity. The room is silent and cold, everyone peaks around but he can’t notice, he’s too focused on the brunette that keeps smirking with his arms crossed over his chest – “Come on, help me”   
  
Baekhyun and Jongdae run to help and no one brings the topic up ever again.   
  
His nights are filled with screams and nurses, he can’t tell what is funny and what is sad, what is good and what is bad, what is real and what is fake. Kyungsoo doesn’t process food, so he stays with tubes for over two weeks, Jongin stays with him the whole time and he appreciates his boyfriend’s company, even though he hasn’t heard him say a word in over six months.   
  
One night Kyungsoo finds a cute blue marker in his bathroom, and he draws stars on each of his wrists, because that’s what Jongin was pointing just a few minutes ago. He smiles as warm liquid paints his hands, warmer and warmer and he smells the acid in his skin, penetrating his nose and making him feel dizzy. His work of art gets erased with each drop of red that runs down his fingers and splashes on the bathroom tiles. Jongin remains still on the door frame as Kyungsoo falls asleep in the bath tub.  
  
Kyungsoo remains at the hospital for another four weeks – this time, for attempting suicide.   
  
Jongdae visits after a month, because he misses the old friend, the one with chubby cheeks and pink lips, the one that loved music above anything, the one that spoke vaguely but was always around and attentive.   
  
“How are you feeling?” – the older asks, sitting on a side of the mattress, Kyungsoo’s now lifeless face just centimeters away – “Are you better? Do you…feel better?”   
  
“What do you want to know, really?” – the other replies, closing his eyes just a little bit – “Do you want to know what is like being crazy?”   
  
“Kyungsoo that’s not what I meant” – Jongdae says quickly, trying to find his old friend in between all the bones he has left – “You are not here because you’re crazy… we want you to be better, for you to eat and walk properly, for you to sit with us and have a laugh once again”  
  
Kyungsoo snorts, a sound that is strange in his ears, but he glances to the window and a brunette is glancing outside, where the trees swing back and forward – Jongin gives him a smile.   
  
“How can I do anything when Jongin is always there…”   
  
Jongdae freezes.   
  
“What do you mean?”   
  
“Jongin has been with me for the past six months, I can’t do anything because he will want to do it too, but he can’t”  
  
“Kyungsoo, you know Jongin passed away almost two years-“  
  
“I know” – Kyungsoo answers, his eyes glued to Jongin’s back – “but he came back for me”   
  
Jongdae’s eyes are wide open, a terrified look on his face as he gets up from the bed and off to the door. Kyungsoo pays no mind.  
  
“I’ll come back one of these days, ok?” – the older says with a knot in his stomach – “Bye, Kyung, sleep well tonight”   
  
“Bye” – is all Kyungsoo answers, as he glances at the window, where Jongin waves Jongdae goodbye – “I’ll see you later”   
  
Kyungsoo lies, because later that night Jongin points to the window once again, where a butterfly dances in the air, knocking on the glass and throwing its beautiful colors all around Kyungsoo’s face. He lets himself go then, he stands on the railing and Jongin holds his waist, feeling tender fingers touch him. Kyungsoo’s chest fills with air as he once again gets to feel his boyfriend’s touch.   
  
He can’t wait to just kiss his lips once again.


End file.
